Too Witty for Comfort

What I learned the hard way last year was that you should not be too clever when dealing with whiplash injury claims. That is to say, even though the claiming process is based largely on logic and reasoning, you should not overextend rationalizations to their ultimate results. This is what I mean.

When my lawyer asked me, for example, why he should accept my whiplash injury claims over those of other claimants, I answered that if he did not, then he would have no income, and therefore he would then go hungry and probably die. I honestly believed that it was this kind of logic that lawyers wanted to hear. But apparently I was mistaken. The lawyer I was adverting to not only refused to take on my claims, he even gave me a long exposition on the use of politeness and decorum when transacting subjects of dignity and great import. I offered to retract what I said. I told him I did not mean it. But he wouldn’t talk to me anymore. That’s just sad because I would have added that he would probably die and be mourned in a grand funeral by his friends and family. I wonder how he would have reacted to that. Maybe he would not have gotten angry.

When I got to talk to the judge, for luckily I discovered a lawyer who did accept my claims, I also got into trouble. The judge asked me if I was demanding a claim for the first time. It made me feel horrible. I nearly thought he was acting condescendingly to me. But I simply figured that this question was probably the right way to introduce yourself in the world of law. Without hesitation then, I answered that it was. Not willing to be looked in a bad light, I returned the favor. I asked him whether this was the first time he would try a case too. But to my surprise, instead of answering a happy Yes or No, he held me in contempt and had it put on record that I was guilty of disrespecting his authority. It boggled my mind. Until now, I still don’t know why I was ejected from court that day. But I think I’ve figured out the answer. I should have asked him more respectfully, as in “How about you sir? Is this the first case you will try, your Honor?”